The whistle blew; I was froze on the spot. My body wouldn’t move because of all the adrenaline pumping around my body. All around me I could see chaos erupting, as innocent people got shot down. Suddenly out of nowhere, there was a tremendous explosion. Large chunks of shrapnel came flying at me from every direction possible. I collapsed to the floor in agony. It was all to fast for me to take in. Remembering the reason I was here, I sucked up all the pain, got up and prayed with home in my heart for my family back home.
Year 6 @ New Longton 
Very detailed and emotive!!!
Thank you Jazmin for taking part in the challenge this week. You have created a very vivid picture of how a soldier might have felt during a battle – well done.
Look at your first sentence again and your use of ‘froze’.
Mr Ball Team 100WC
Great Jazz!!!